He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
