There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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