we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
