You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
