Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
