I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
