True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
