haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
