It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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