This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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