gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
