my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
