I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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