Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found the puke drawer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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