so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize