what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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