Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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