Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
