just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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