I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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