fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
