He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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