I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
