What a fucking waste of an outfit
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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