I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
