Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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