You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
