i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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