Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
