planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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