one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
