i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
