she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
