Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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