I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
