he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
