Tell her she can't have a vagina
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
