and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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