bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You took a bar mat shot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have aggressive nipples.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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