Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize