The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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