i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude i'm inner monologue high
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
