okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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