I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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