I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
