my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
