The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This house was built for laser tag.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
