I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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