My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
