i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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