I cut my penus on the lid.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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