Moan for me like Helen Keller
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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