Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
