The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
