Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
