I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
