I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
