Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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