I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
