I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
