I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
