So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
