Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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