I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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